《国王十字车站》

笔城

·《探索大家写题库》《赏图诗图库》征集专贴第207#  （沙发自己坐了）
· 亦诗亦词的一个

《国王十字车站》

暂忘记忧伤面向全新旅程
畅快间健步越过广场穿行

塔楼上钟声呢喃高耸尖顶
拱廊和圆柱闪动簇簇形影

忽略去王者费尽心力的发明
登堂入室如谒拜神明显灵

水晶灯照亮日夜金碧光明
柔顺的和风吹过厅堂门径

匆忙的人流依旧松散轻盈
小步拎着柳条箱剪票远行

今晚穿越原野疾如流星
远方仍有快乐的人群相迎

暂别和重逢是这里的主题
到处是惜别的杨柳依依

风土和游览带来人生阅历
遥远的心和星座飞速近抵

到四方见证雄姿和胜利
娴静处再见了梦中神奇

[ 本帖最后由 笔城 于 2010-10-10 12:13 编辑 ]

这里有阳光

千朔

笔城的內容不错，但句勢的结构稍工整了些；不管是句子的長短或二句的排列，这样容易让读者读到后面有疲累感

问好笔城

这里有阳光

恩，挺不错，唯一感觉变化小了些
问好笔城

代容

先提起来问候笔城，然后慢慢来读~

笔城

原帖由 千朔 于 2010-9-25 16:55 发表
笔城的內容不错，但句勢的结构稍工整了些；不管是句子的長短或二句的排列，这样容易让读者读到后面有疲累感

采取了词的方式，少了点自由；我意在完成生命的转换，也可能给别人增加了负累，总之是不自觉的，愿千朔原谅我好了。

笔城

原帖由 这里有阳光 于 2010-9-25 21:23 发表
恩，挺不错，唯一感觉变化小了些
问好笔城

应该没有错，还好句子不长。问候周末。

笔城

原帖由 代容 于 2010-9-28 09:29 发表
先提起来问候笔城，然后慢慢来读~

代容是老朋友了，远握~

廖孚嘉

句式和抒情都有民国之诗风，所以眼睛和心灵就很怀旧。一些句子很精辟：到四方见证雄姿和胜利/娴静处再见了梦中神奇------等。

墨西哥大臣

很喜欢，问候朋友，欣赏文字

笔城

[ 本帖最后由 笔城 于 2010-10-18 15:12 编辑 ]

笔城

鸣礼炮!


[ 本帖最后由 笔城 于 2010-10-18 15:13 编辑 ]

笔城

敬请欣赏美国“宠物店男孩”乐队的主打歌“king's cross ”

笔城

个感歌词连贯性不足，不如我上面这个。附：歌词原文：
king s cross  （国王十字车站）  

歌手：pet shop boys     专辑：actually   1987

The man at the back of the queue was sent
To feel the smack of firm government
Linger by the flyposter, for a fight
It's the same story every night
I've been hurt and we've been had
You leave home, and you don't go back
Someone told me Monday, someone told me Saturday
Wait until tomorrow and there's still no way
Read it in a book or write it in a letter
Wake up in the morning and there's still no guarantee
Only last night I found myself lost
By the station called King's Cross
Dead and wounded on either side
You know it's only a matter of time
I've been good and I've been bad
I've been guilty of hanging around
Someone told me Monday, someone told me Saturday
Wait until tomorrow and there's still no way
Read it in a book or write it in a letter
Wake up in the morning and there's still no guarantee
So I went looking out today
Murder walking round the block
Ending up in King's Cross
Good luck, bad luck waiting in a line
It takes more than the matter of time
Someone told me Monday, someone told me Saturday
Wait until tomorrow and there's still no way
Read it in a book or write it in a letter
Wake up in the morning and there's still no guarantee
Someone told me Monday, someone told me Saturday
Wait until tomorrow and there's still no way
Read it in a book or write it in a letter
Wake up in the morning and there's still no guarantee
And there's still no guarantee
There is still no guarantee

墨西哥大臣

欣赏。。。。。学习。。。。。